Grey day

It’s not raining today. It has been quite grey for most of the day, with occasional patches of sunshine. I am sorry to say that I haven’t been for any walks today. I went for my blood test this morning and spent quite a lot of time standing around waiting, but I don’t think that counts. You have to go and take a number, like you do at delicatessen counters in supermarkets. When I arrived they were on number 35 and I was number 79. I went and had a cup of tea and read the papers. I think I must have become more used to blood tests now, because, although I was scared, I was calm.

You will probably not be entirely surprised to learn that I’m spending an inordinate amount of time worrying about my pins and needles, which have still not gone away. I think they’re getting better, but sometimes I’m not sure! The blood test results will take about a week to come back, apparently. I hope it is ‘just’ Vitamin B12 deficiency, because there are several more horrible things it could be! Maybe it is just a Random Weird Thing. I have had odd pins and needles before, after I had my catheter last year, but whether or not they are related to heart things I don’t know. Personally, I don’t think so.

I am now getting  to the stage where I am quite desperate to go back to work! I think it would help with the state of my mind, which might sound really, really, stupid, considering how stressful work can be, but at the moment I feel that (almost) anything is preferable to being on my own most of the time, worrying and wasting time. I’m aware that there are myriad activities I could be doing that wouldn’t be a waste of time, or at least not so much of one, but I have no motivation to do them. I’m not helping myself, am I? See, I do know that.

I need to start making the dinner.


Author: Lilian

Librarian who likes music, cataloguing, theology, gardening, crochet, ampersands, taking photos, baking & tea. Has CHD & pacemaker.

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