B is definitely a daddy’s girl. She almost always chooses to be with him, chooses him to do things for her, even to the point of wanting him to pass her things instead of me doing that for her even if I’m nearest to the thing in question! She wants him to pick her up, change her nappy, put her in the pushchair, put her to bed, get her up and ready for nursery – basically everything that can be done she wants Daddy to do it.
Poor Daddy is very tired, but he is not always very good at accepting help either. I think this is partly because he worries about my health problems, especially my heart condition, and I suspect he is also slightly haunted by our experience of postnatal depression. It doesn’t help that I do get tired and I stay in bed late on the days when I don’t work, because I can. But then of course I feel guilty about this. Not just the extra sleeping, but but the general lack of me doing things with B. Please don’t think I’m not grateful for everything Mr C does, it’s just the guilt, and also my own ego, worrying about what other people are thinking of me (that I’m a bad mummy, obviously).
But then I think, would people be thinking this about Mr C if the situation was reversed? If I was the one doing (almost) everything for B and Mr C was the one doing all the housework, washing, cooking, gardening, tidying, organising the house, liaising with decorators, etc., I don’t think anyone would bat an eye lid, and might even think Mr C is an extra helpful husband (which of course he is) so why do I feel bad and think people are judging me? I must be more sexist than I realised! Alternatively (or also) it just shows how deeply ingrained the idea that the mother should be the primary caregiver is.
It’s good for B to spend lots of time with her daddy and it does give me a break, which I will admit I do need. Having Tuesdays off everything has made a big difference to my tiredness levels – well, its either that or I’ve just got used to my medication. I’ve got my annual heart review next month so it will be interesting to see how it’s behaving now – I’ll let you know!